1913 Royal St., 948-9309 (LD)
A bit snobby, but the cooks know what they're doing when they start slinging the coconut milk. If you're a pretentious tea-loving fuck, well, son, I do believe you're in the right place.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Sing Ha Thai Cafe
413 Carondelet St., 581-2205 (L and early D)
The CBDers love this place. They're in denial. The pad thai is mediocre, but you can get it vegan with tofu.
Rocky's Gourmet Pizzeria
If I had a nipple for every time . . . oh, fuck, I've used this metaphor already. Okay, those stinkin' non-vegans, they never shut up about it: "Pizza without cheese? What's the point?" Well, you might ask yourself a complementary question: "Pizza in New Orleans? What's the point?" If you've come here for the pizza, I say, get ready for some punishment, Monsieur Masochist. Nevertheless, this is one of kittee's favorite foods, so we regularly brave the bullets whizzing by, the drunk drivers busting through red lights (in New Orleans, just so you know, it doesn't matter if the light is green, yellow, red, or white, non-Hispanic -- you call it a red light), and the Palmetto bugs the size of Ron Jeremy's member in search of what we know will be underachieving dough-sauce-vegetable food. But you know what, it doesn't even matter, brother, New Orleans is still the greatest, grandest city in the world! At least that's what New Orleanians think. The real question is what should a painter paint. The thing which one can't locate. That's what Mr. Jasper says anyway.
Our New York pizza snob friend Mr. Billy likes to say, If you want some good matzo, go to Rocky's. Well, the whole wheat crust that we get is a bit on the er, um, crackery side, to put it politely, but this is still our favorite pizza parlor, and it can be yours, too. Here's what you do. Order a Big Al's Roasted Garlic or a Farmer's Market with the red sauce. If you don't specify the red sauce, you may end up with the non-vegan white sauce or no sauce at all. Tell 'em to hold all the cheese--mozzarella, feta, all of it--and substitute olive salad (pickled olives, carrots, cauliflower and spices in oil). Then mow down that pizza and guzzle a glass or pitcher of one of the many varieties of the fine local Abita beer. If you're getting poorer while The Man gets richer--or even if you are The Man-- remember that all food tastes better after you don't eat for two days.
Any taco truck
(LD)
One of the things that white New Orleanians like to lick their own balls about (and yes, I mean the women, too) is how wonderfully goddamn nice it is that their city is so fucking diverse.
Cut to the Uptown cultural sensitivity store:
White New Orleans woman: "Hmm, honey, what kind of wallpaper should we choose?"
White New Orleans man: "Oh, Jesus. I can't decide between the black-man-shooting-another-black-man or the second-line theme."
White New Orleans woman: "I love it when we congratulate ourselves."
White New Orleans man: "Wow, I am feeling guilty about my skin privilege."
White New Orleans woman: "Thanks for ruining it, jerk."
What a beautiful tale. And now there's yet another flavor in the gumbo.
That's right: It's Spanglish time on wheels all over New Orleans! Beware the tacos de cabeza y de lengua. Just say, Me gustaria una horchata, and you'll be ok.
One of the things that white New Orleanians like to lick their own balls about (and yes, I mean the women, too) is how wonderfully goddamn nice it is that their city is so fucking diverse.
Cut to the Uptown cultural sensitivity store:
White New Orleans woman: "Hmm, honey, what kind of wallpaper should we choose?"
White New Orleans man: "Oh, Jesus. I can't decide between the black-man-shooting-another-black-man or the second-line theme."
White New Orleans woman: "I love it when we congratulate ourselves."
White New Orleans man: "Wow, I am feeling guilty about my skin privilege."
White New Orleans woman: "Thanks for ruining it, jerk."
What a beautiful tale. And now there's yet another flavor in the gumbo.
That's right: It's Spanglish time on wheels all over New Orleans! Beware the tacos de cabeza y de lengua. Just say, Me gustaria una horchata, and you'll be ok.
Tandoori Chicken
2916 Cleary Ave Metairie,889-7880 (LD)
Don't be fooled by the name, this is the best Indian food in town. It used to be located in the CBD, close to my work, and I ate there all the time. Sadly, it's moved to the suburbs, but if you're going out that way, you should dash over for some excellent buffet.
The owners have described the menu, which I think is Punjabi, as Indian soul food, and brother man, I say, raise a fist in salute. This place is never crowded, but the masses can go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. You can get tiny French lentils, mixed vegetables, aloo chole, and eggplant, but you're in the wrong place if you're looking for the kind of delicate Indian food that prances around on your tongue. This is comfort food, thick with plenty of oil and spiced with reckless abandon. Wipe up that stew with a yummy roti (tell 'em, to sub it for the naan, and your wish is their command). And if you're feeling extra bossy, ask for spinach without cream or cheese. This is the way the cook himself eats it, and if he's feelin it, he'll share the goodness (though I would suggest adding salt). And now even more insider info: If you luck out and hit this place on Friday or Saturday round about lunchtime, you'll find samosas on the buffet. Horde 'em And don't forget the lemon pickle--them's some good shit right there. You can get a dangerously heavy clamshell's worth of all this stuff for $5.99, or you can pig out in the dining room till your stomach needs stapling for $8.99. Tandoori Chicken, your name sucks, but I don't care what the others say -- I am desperately, gloriously, unhealthily in love with you.
Don't be fooled by the name, this is the best Indian food in town. It used to be located in the CBD, close to my work, and I ate there all the time. Sadly, it's moved to the suburbs, but if you're going out that way, you should dash over for some excellent buffet.
The owners have described the menu, which I think is Punjabi, as Indian soul food, and brother man, I say, raise a fist in salute. This place is never crowded, but the masses can go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. You can get tiny French lentils, mixed vegetables, aloo chole, and eggplant, but you're in the wrong place if you're looking for the kind of delicate Indian food that prances around on your tongue. This is comfort food, thick with plenty of oil and spiced with reckless abandon. Wipe up that stew with a yummy roti (tell 'em, to sub it for the naan, and your wish is their command). And if you're feeling extra bossy, ask for spinach without cream or cheese. This is the way the cook himself eats it, and if he's feelin it, he'll share the goodness (though I would suggest adding salt). And now even more insider info: If you luck out and hit this place on Friday or Saturday round about lunchtime, you'll find samosas on the buffet. Horde 'em And don't forget the lemon pickle--them's some good shit right there. You can get a dangerously heavy clamshell's worth of all this stuff for $5.99, or you can pig out in the dining room till your stomach needs stapling for $8.99. Tandoori Chicken, your name sucks, but I don't care what the others say -- I am desperately, gloriously, unhealthily in love with you.
Farmer's Markets
Crescent City Farmers Markets:
Tuesdays and Saturdays.
Tuesdays and Saturdays.
Thursday Markets:
Broadmoor Farmers Market 3 pm to 7 pm Free Church of the Annunciation, 4505 S. Claiborne Ave Mid-City Green Market 3 pm to 7 pm 3700 Orleans Ave [pkng lot of American Can Co]
Ninth Ward Markets:
Upper Ninth Ward Market Saturdays, 1pm - 4pm Holy Angels Convent, 3500 St. Claude Ave. Lower Ninth Ward Farmers Market Sundays, 10am - 1pm St. David's Church on St. Claude Avenue
Vietnamese Farmers Market:
Saturdays, 6am - 9am 14401 Alcee Fortier Blvd, New Orleans East -- If you want to get up that early just to buy some snow peas, it's your funeral.
Daily:
Magnolia Farmer Co-Op & Market Place Open daily, 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. Corner of Jackson and Simon Bolivar Avenues
Whole Foods Market
5600 Magazine St., 899-9119; 3420 Veterans Blvd, Metairie, 888-8225 (BLD)
I'm not sure if you've ever heard of it, but there's this tiny little chain of grocery stores that has the kept unionization to a perfect zero percent, even though Whole Foods dictator John Mackey believes in the free will of the individual. Apparently he makes an exception when he's capitalizing on your labor. So a big fuck you to United Auto Workers, but a big fuck yeah to vegan food. Go get the Fair Trade chocolate chips and the one or two other vegan items in the store, but don't tell anyone, or soon you'll find yourself waiting an hour for a space in the parking lot.
Extra bonus review of Whole Foods' pizza: if you dig New York-style pizza, the Whole Foods uptown probably does the best reasonable facsimile. In addition to the usual toppings, you can pile it high with the most scrumptious yuppie delights, including artichoke hearts, button and portabello mushrooms, a mix of eggplant, squash and zucchini, and sundried tomatoes. Just watch out for the Hummers with the Kerry/Edwards bumper stickers whizzing around the parking lot.
I'm not sure if you've ever heard of it, but there's this tiny little chain of grocery stores that has the kept unionization to a perfect zero percent, even though Whole Foods dictator John Mackey believes in the free will of the individual. Apparently he makes an exception when he's capitalizing on your labor. So a big fuck you to United Auto Workers, but a big fuck yeah to vegan food. Go get the Fair Trade chocolate chips and the one or two other vegan items in the store, but don't tell anyone, or soon you'll find yourself waiting an hour for a space in the parking lot.
Extra bonus review of Whole Foods' pizza: if you dig New York-style pizza, the Whole Foods uptown probably does the best reasonable facsimile. In addition to the usual toppings, you can pile it high with the most scrumptious yuppie delights, including artichoke hearts, button and portabello mushrooms, a mix of eggplant, squash and zucchini, and sundried tomatoes. Just watch out for the Hummers with the Kerry/Edwards bumper stickers whizzing around the parking lot.
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